As crazy as life will eventually be for me, I have to admit, life is beautiful. I have all these opportunities to do so much more with my life than what I have been doing and that really gives me some sort of motivation. I'm buckling down when I should've been doing that all along. I'm seeing less and less of Henry, which helps because it makes me focus on school rather than being and hanging out with Henry. It's like, I go Sunday through Thursday without seeing Henry, studying and focusing on school and then on Friday and Saturday I get to spend my time wtih him and that really makes up for everything. It's like the reward for studying hard all week long! Anyways, here's my schedule for the rest of Summer 2006 and Fall 2006.

Summer 2006

I think that it is utterly amazing how I can sit here for hours on end in front of my laptop just planning my future out like it's a little spreadsheet and I just fill in the blanks. This is definitely obsessive-compulsive. It's got to be: making lists of things I have to do, of things I want to accomplish, of my "academic plan", it's completely nuts.

In essence, it's a good idea. But will I actually act on it? Who knows?

I'm pretty excited for some reason. Today was like a day of opportunities and for the most part, I took most of them.

I went to class today. It felt good because I hadn't been in awhile. I went to the library, caught up with my co-worker and friend from Hollister Co. Dan and we talked for awhile and that was good fun. I went to meet up with my career counselor Lisa and she definitely helped me out with choosing a career. I think I'm beginning to definitely lean more towards a degree in Human Nutrition and Food Science. I took this thing called the Strong Interest Inventory Profile with College Profile test and we discussed my results. It was interesting to say the least.

What it basically is, is a test to determine what your interests are and hopefully it'll help you make a decision about what you want to major in, with respect to your interests. It helps you determine what you'd be good at and what you'd like. There are six themes under which occupations are placed under. It's in a hexagon and the themes that are next to each other share similar aspects. There's Investigative, Social, Artistic, Enterprising, Conventional, and Realistic. The top three for me were Investigative, Social, and Artistic. My top five interest areas were Medical Science, Healthcare Services, Politics & Public Speaking, Counseling & Helping, and Performing Arts. Needless to say, I was very happy to see that Medical Science and Healthcare were at the top of my list; it just confirms what I've always believed that I want to someday have a place in the healthcare field. My top ten strong occupations were Speech Pathologist, Top Executive, Phsician, Operations Manager, Attorney, Broadcast Journalist, Dietitian, Registered Nurse, Elementary School Teacher, and Law Enforcement Officer.

Needless to say, I was once again happy to see that Physician was definitely in my top 3 strong occupations. I was surprised about Journalism and Attorney but anyways, they are topics of interest for me.

Today I also went to Methodist Hospital and went to visit my old volunteer coordinator Gloria. It was nice seeing her again and it made me realize just how much I missed being in the hospital volunteering. I don't know what it was about the hospital that I missed, maybe the smell, maybe the thought and ability to go anywhere in the hospital and having that kind of access but I just definitely missed it. Gloria got a call from the position of Summer Extern that I wanted at M.D. Anderson and she gave me a good recommendation so I'm excited! She also gave me another volunteer application so I might be able to volunteer on Fridays from 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM where I get to go around to patients' rooms and gather information from their charts. It may not be much and I probably won't get paid for what I do, but it'll be a good experience and it'll put me back in the hospital setting so I'm excited!

I want some research positions, some experience in the hospital. I'm kind of jealous of the pre-medical students because they get to do preceptorships at the hospital and they have all this experience. I just want to do the same thing. But I guess that since I'm not being handed these opportunities, I just have to look for them myself.

I'm going crazy. YES I AM.

Great. In a couple of hours I have my second chemistry test. I'm trying to be positive, like, I CAN DO IT! But the amount of information is just enormous. Not to mention the fact that I had all this time to study and I still didn't utilize my time well. It makes me angry when I do that, when I know that I could've done something more to study for a test or something like that. But what can I say, it's my own fault.

And yet, I still don't know how to fix it and it's so irritating.

My doggy is sitting in front o me and she's just dozing off and sleeping away. I miss summers like that when I didn't care about anything else except how many hours of the day I wasted sleeping. Why can't summer just be like that?!

I'm doing the bare minimum in school. I'm getting grades just to pass. And I know I could do better but at the same time, I just don't want to.

I hate this feeling and this sense of failure that I have. I just want to do well and succeed. And it seems so much easier for people like my cousin, like the pre-medical students, but it just seems so damn hard for me and I don't know why. No matter how hard I bust my ass to try to learn something or try to understand something, I still manage to not know how to do it when the time comes to take the test.

It's so frustrating knowing that you could possibly do better but you just don't know how to do it.

So today is a rainy rainy day. My teacher made it optional for us to go to class but I'm really tired and sleepy so I feel like it'll be best if I didn't go to class today. Plus, I really need to study for my test tomorrow over four chapters.

I think it's really come down to me to decide whether or not I want to pursue a degree in Biology or switch to Human Nutrition and Food Sciences. I don't really know what else to do with my major or what else to major in for that fact. I just know that whatever I do, I want to go to medical school. I want to go to medical school. I have a couple of schools in mind but I really don't know how I'm going to get there.

I need dedication, devotion. I need to study. I need to want to go to school. I need some kind of motivation.

And sometimes I just don't feel like I know where to go to find that kind of inspiration.

So, to help me figure that out, I need to put out some goals for me to follow, some guidelines so to speak because otherwise, I really have no other kind of restriction stopping me.

GOALS
01. Get better grades in Chemistry I and Chemistry II
02. Go to class every single day
03. Do well on the last 2 tests and the final exam
04. Study more efficiently
05. Learn how to manage time

That's all I can really think of. I'm having a brain fart right now. Ack. Time to study.